I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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