i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Randomize
