Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
