So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I stole a fireplace last night.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
