How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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