I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Randomize
