Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
