Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
