SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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