The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
