Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
