just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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