I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
