She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
