She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
