he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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