I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
