What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
you never un-have a 4some
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
