The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
