How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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