shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
