im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
