dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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