These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
