I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
