office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize