I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
