I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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