I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
