he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't deserve a penis
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
