My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize