If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
