What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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