wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
