You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
