And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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