I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just googled if crying burns calories
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Will exercising make me less horny?
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