I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
