My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
