grandma shit on top of the toilet
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
