We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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