I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Randomize
