I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize