You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
