So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
