Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
