He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize