and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
They are going to name an STD after you.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
