apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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