That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
