Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize