is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
