Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
