I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
