the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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