Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
