I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There r osticjed everywhere
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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