i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
