i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
