I wish my penis had an off switch
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
