I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
