3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
