Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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