Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
