Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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