Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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