Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
