Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
