I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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